1.
"I
asked
my
husband
what
he
wanted
for
his
birthday.
He
said,
'A
unicorn. '
I
told
him,
'Sorry,
I'm
fresh
out
of
those. '
"
【笑话】

2.
"My
father
always
used
to
say,
'If
you
want
something
done
right,
do
it
yourself. '
So
that's
why
he
never
let
my
mother
cook. "
【挖苦】

3.
"I've
learned
that
the
key
to
a
successful
marriage
is
to
never
go
to
bed
angry.
Unless
you
have
a
really
comfortable
couch. "
【调侃】

4.
"My
wife
always
tells
me
that
I'm
too
controlling.
But
I
just
remind
her
that
we
both
agreed
I
was
the
boss
when
we
got
married. "
【自嘲】

5.
"My
grandfather
always
said,
'A
penny
for
your
thoughts. '
I'm
pretty
sure
that's
why
he
died
broke. "
【讽刺】

6.
"I
don't
always
have
a
witty
comeback,
but
when
I
do,
I
usually
think
of
it
three
hours
later
in
the
shower. "
【自嘲】

7.
"My
wife
and
I
have
been
married
for
20
years
and
people
always
ask
us
what
our
secret
is.
I
tell
them,
'We
never
go
to
bed
angry.
We
just
stay
up
until
someone
gives
in. '"
【调侃】

8.
"My
doctor
told
me
to
stop
having
intimate
dinners
for
four.
Unless
there
are
three
other
people
with
me. "
【自嘲】

9.
"My
wife
said
she
was
going
to
leave
me
if
I
didn't
stop
singing
'I'm
a
Believer'
by
The
Monkees.
I
thought
she
was
joking.
And
then
I
saw
her
packing
her
bags. "
【自嘲】

10.
"I
told
my
husband
I
wanted
a
divorce.
He
said,
'I'm
sorry,
I
can't
hear
you.
I'm
playing
Fortnite. '"
【调侃】

11.
"My
wife
says
I'm
like
a
broken
record.
I
tell
her,
'At
least
I'm
not
skipping
like
a
CD. '"
【自嘲】

1
2.
"I'm
not
saying
my
husband
is
lazy,
but
he
once
took
a
nap
while
we
were
unloading
the
dishwasher. "
【挖苦】

1
3.
"My
wife
tells
me
I
need
to
be
more
spontaneous.
So
I
surprised
her
by
taking
her
out
to
dinner
last
night.
She
was
really
impressed
until
she
found
out
it
was
McDonald's. "
【调侃】

1
4.
"My
girlfriend
always
tells
me
to
stop
making
puns.
But
that's
how
I
get
my
daily
bread. "
【俏皮】

1
5.
"My
wife
asked
me
to
pick
up
some
milk
on
my
way
home
from
work.
I
forgot.
Now
she's
going
to
make
me
sleep
in
the
doghouse.
Again. "
【自嘲】

1
6.
"My
husband
is
always
telling
me
to
get
out
of
my
comfort
zone.
So
I
started
sitting
on
the
other
side
of
the
couch. "
【调侃】

1
7.
"My
mother-in-law
always
tells
me
I
need
to
dress
more
classy.
But
I
think
sweatpants
are
a
timeless
fashion
statement. "
【自嘲】

1
8.
"My
wife
and
I
decided
to
try
role-playing
in
the
bedroom.
She
was
an
executioner
and
I
was
the
prisoner.
It
was
really
hot
until
she
actually
tried
to
execute
me. "
【黑色幽默】

1
9.
"My
husband
always
tells
me
that
I
need
to
learn
to
take
a
joke.
But
I
don't
have
a
sense
of
humor.
I
just
have
a
resting
bitch
face. "
【自嘲】

20.
"My
wife
and
I
have
a
great
marriage.
She
lets
me
be
the
man
of
the
house
and
I
let
her
think
she's
the
one
in
charge. "
【调侃】