1.
"I
didn't
choose
the
thug
life,
the
thug
life
chose
me. . .
and
I
said
yes. "】

2.
"I
don't
always
drink
energy
drinks,
but
when
I
do,
I
feel
like
I
can
run
a
marathon. . .
in
my
mind. "】

3.
"I
may
not
have
a
six-pack,
but
I
have
a
keg. . .
or
two. "】

4.
"I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right. "】

5.
"If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
hide
all
evidence
that
you
tried. "】

6.
"My
favorite
childhood
memory
is
not
paying
bills. "】

7.
"I
pretend
to
work,
and
they
pretend
to
pay
me. . .
it's
a
great
system. "】

8.
"I
have
a
photographic
memory,
but
I
always
forget
to
charge
my
camera. "】

9.
"I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
in
energy-saving
mode. "】

10.
"I'm
not
short,
I'm
fun-sized. "】

11.
"If
we're
not
meant
to
have
midnight
snacks,
why
is
there
a
light
in
the
fridge?"】

1
2.
"I'm
sorry
for
what
I
said
when
I
was
hungry. . .
and
tired. . .
and
hangry. "】

1
3.
"I
need
a
six-month
vacation
twice
a
year. . .
or
just
one
long
year-long
vacation. "】

1
4.
"I'm
not
old,
I'm
just
chronologically
gifted. "】

1
5.
"I'm
not
procrastinating,
I'm
just
prioritizing
my
to-do
list. "】

1
6.
"I'm
not
saying
I'm
Wonder
Woman,
I'm
just
saying
no
one
has
ever
seen
me
and
Wonder
Woman
in
the
same
room. "】

1
7.
"I'm
not
a
morning
person,
I'm
a
coffee
person. "】

1
8.
"I'm
not
a
morning
person,
I'm
a
brunch
person. "】

1
9.
"I
didn't
choose
the
awkward
life,
the
awkward
life
chose
me. "】

20.
"I'm
not
lost,
I'm
just
taking
the
scenic
route. "】